Postnatal return to normalcy

In the pregnancy trimester recap posts, which I wrote while still pregnant, I allude to not enjoying pregnancy. It's hit home since Evelyn's birth though the extent to which I disliked being pregnant. With every passing day I feel more and more like myself, and look back on the last nine months as a long period of discomfort and anxiety.

Basically, while pregnant I felt like pregnant Bella from Twilight, playing host to something sucking the life out of me. Like this, only also fat:



Here are some examples of what I've missed about not being pregnant that I've noticed in just these past nine days:

-self-confidence
-sleeping on my tummy and on my back
-breathing without panting or snoring
-lying down without feeling like throwing up
-intimacy without heartburn
-hot baths
-mobility, like leaning down to pet the dog and not having to sit to put on pants
-not being afraid of falling (or anything else that may cause a miscarriage)
-energy (seriously: more energy with a newborn than at any point during my pregnancy)
-not having food aversions or getting full after small meals
-eating whatever I want (yay, poached eggs and sushi!)
-drinking coffee
-stomach muscles
-being able to stand without feeling faint or nauseous
-non-maternity clothing
-lying in the sun
-picking up my six year old for a cuddle
-losing weight instead of gaining
-reading aloud without running out of breath
-not needing to slather moisturizer on my stomach several times a day
-exercising
-feeling easygoing, happy and having a positive outlook

Nighttime wake-up calls, sore breasts and dirty diapers? Bring it. So much easier for me than pregnancy!

In other news, we dropped off Liana and Caleb at their dad's yesterday until tomorrow so things have been relatively quiet here. Evelyn decided to sleep all day yesterday and be wide awake several times overnight. Going through a bit of a rough nursing patch as it takes quite a few tries to get Evelyn to latch well - there's some painful rawness going on - must be diligent and correct her position every time.

Today Becka came over and photographed the baby for three whole hours! Evelyn was well behaved during the shoot. We also lucked out because after 20 minutes of naked baby time I barely got her diaper on before she filled it - phew! Pictures to come. Hoping to send out birth announcements sometime next week.

Evelyn's first week

It's been a week already since the long labour and beautiful birth of Evelyn.

We stayed in a private room at the hospital until the evening the day after the birth. The nurses at Montfort were mostly very good, though our stay was a little awkward as midwife patients normally prefer to go home shortly after the birth and we had to somewhat fight to be allowed to stay longer. Because of Evelyn's high birth weight (9.3lbs is 90th percentile) she required a blood sugar test every three hours for her first twelve hours. Between the blood sugar test, needing to breastfeed Evelyn every 2-3 hours, taking Advil and Tylenol every 4 hours, and Evelyn's mucus-filled gagging noises, I got very little sleep that first night.

The first evening visiting hours were quaint, with only our parents, Casey, Liana and Caleb visiting.
The second day evening hours had some friends coming to meet her.

Recovery for me was amazingly fast compared to when I had Liana and Caleb. Despite how big Evelyn was, I only needed one stitch and pain was comparably minimal after delivery. I was disappointed to still look about six months pregnant, though. In the past I was one of those moms other moms love to hate, the kind that walks out of the hospital in her pre-pregnancy jeans. I had packed my pre-pregnancy jeans but to my dismay I could barely get them on and definitely couldn't zip them up.

Evelyn ready to go home.

We were curious how Dexter would react when we brought the baby home. While staying in the hospital Casey and Darcy both took Evelyn's hats home for Dex to smell. When we got home with the baby Dexter didn't react at all! He was ecstatic to see us, especially Darcy, but completely ambiguous to our new family member. No change since that day. A funny thing that's happened a few times is that he walks into the nursery at night and we can hear his paws on the hardwood through the baby monitor.

Both our parents asked if there was anything they could do to help out in the first week so we suggested frozen meals. We received shepherds pie, soup, chicken enchiladas, meatballs, pasta salad, and lasagna. So appreciated over the course of the week! One of my best friends even came over with her daughter one evening and cooked for us (roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies and a strawberry dessert = yummm).
We lucked out.

On day 3 my milk came in. I know this because my breast were painfully engorged and Evelyn decided she wanted a 20 hour nursing marathon. According to the Breastfeeding Problems website, it's common for babies to go through their first growth spurt a few days after coming home from the hospital, so we weren't concerned.

On day 4 Evelyn lost her umbilical chord. Darcy noticed while changing her diaper. Umbilical chords can fall off between 3 and 45 days, with a mean of 13.9 days. Falling out early is not problematic and, yay, no foul odour from slowly rotting.

We've been figuring out all of our baby merchandise. I've used the Medela breastpump a few times and we're testing out different bottles. Evelyn loves her mamaRoo swing (looks like something out of the Jetsons!) and her super stroller. We're still figuring out the sling (seems a little loose when we put it on) but she's fallen asleep in it every time we've used it. She seemed to somewhat enjoy her baths in the Puj Tub (only cried a little while we washed her hair). We made the switch from biodegradable disposables to cloth diapers yesterday when we noticed her meconium poops seem to be done. At night she sleeps swaddled in her miracle blanket while listening to womb sounds from the sound machine (added advantage of blocking out sounds made by the rest of us) - it hadn't occurred to me that we'd also be falling asleep to womb sounds since we use a baby monitor.

It's hard to comment on how Evelyn's been sleeping since every night has been so different. One stable aspect is that I wake up to feed her but she often wakes up soon afterwards at which point Darcy goes in to rock her back to sleep. Last night was her best night's sleep, waking up only twice for feedings between 10 pm and 8 am.

We've taken her for short walks around the neighbourhood and yesterday we took her to the mall quickly since Caleb was in dire need of a haircut. She also "watched" her first movie yesterday, Kiki's Delivery Service, with her brother and sister. Speaking of the kids, Caleb has been craving attention since Evelyn's arrival. We've never seen him so hyper and sticky. Liana on the other hand has been maternal to Evelyn, more patient than usual with her brother, and more helpful than usual around the house.

Cuddling with the siblings while watching Kiki's. This is actually
when I found the time to write yesterday's blog on the birth.

Evelyn's weight dropped down to 8.5 pounds and is now creeping back up (8.8 on day 6). The midwife is hoping she regains her birth weight by her two week appointment, gaining about an ounce a day. I only have three pounds of pregnancy weight left to lose, woohoo!

Evelyn getting weighed at home.

And here are a few gratuitous cute photos:

Evelyn meets great-grandma.

Nap time with daddy.

Just chillin. She's very bright eyed...in the rare instances that she's awake.

Her first bottle of pumped milk. Now daddy can help with feedings.

Evelyn's birth story by stages of labour (and discouraging moments)

"Third babies are fast and easy" many people told me...

Early Labour (between 12 and 20 hours of manageable pain)

The morning of June 19th, Evelyn's due date, I awoke at 5am and experienced some spotting. A few hours later contractions started. Not the unbearably painful kind, but different than the usual Braxton Hicks I'd been having (lower, slightly painful, with pressure on my cervix). I waited until about noon to start using Contraction Master and to message Darcy at work about early labour having begun. That afternoon I mostly lounged about on the computer and with a book (Roger Stern's The Death and Life of Superman). Liana was spending the day at Calypso for a school trip and going to her dad's afterwards, and, in anticipation for labour, I arranged for my mom to pick up Caleb after school and have him sleep over at her place that night.

I kept referencing this handout from the labour and delivery course we took
(note the increasingly frustrating expressions on the woman's face)

I figured at worst, I'd be in early labour for twelve hours. That afternoon contractions were coming every 7-40 minutes and lasting about 20 seconds each. Darcy got home from work, we ate dinner, watched an episode of Terra Nova, and then took Dexter for a long walk. At 9:30pm we decided to try to sleep. It wasn't long at all before I realized that wasn't going to happen - it was no longer possible to ignore the contractions. We got up and watched YouTube videos on how to use the TENS machine I'd rented. I wanted to have another natural child birth and I figured at best the machine would help and at worse it wouldn't do me any harm. Darcy set up the electrode stickers on my back and I played around with the remote. Between contractions the machine would  pulse and during contractions I'd press a button and the electric current would be constant. We then watched a new Louis C.K. comedy skit while timing contractions. They were lasting about 30 seconds and happening every five minutes or so. Fast forward two hours of pacing and making use of the exercise ball and we called Wendy, our primary midwife, who made her way over. 

Active Labour (eight hours, thinking each would be the last)

Wendy arrived at 1:30 am (now June 20) and I was hoping to be at least 3 cm dilated by then, preferably more like 6 cm. The news wasn't too bad: I was 3.5 cm. Wendy predicted I'd probably have a baby by 6-7 a.m. She called Leia, the midwifery student I'd agreed to have present at the birth, who joined us shortly afterwards. The next three hours were spent walking outside with Darcy (stopping at contractions) and rocking on the chair in the baby's dimmed nursery, while chatting between contractions. Dexter was with us, too. At 4:30 am Wendy checked my cervix and announced I was 4 cm dilated. Three hours of moving around during contractions for half a centimeter? This was discouraging labour moment #1 - the first of many. We decided to head to the hospital. In the car on the way there I let Darcy know that although I seemed to be handling contractions well (midwives were joking around only noticing I was having them by noticing when I'd press the button on the TENS machine) that I was actually high on my pain threshold and that unless things started happening faster I might crack and request an epidural.

Once at the hospital, Darcy and I answered questions for our Montfort file. I mentioned to Wendy that I'd like to talk about pain relief and, well, she pretty much said no (discouraging labour moment #2). She said I was doing wonderfully, already had two natural childbirths, and would likely have this baby by 9 am (her earlier prediction having come and gone by this point). My assumption is that her thinking was that naturally things would progress quickly and she wouldn't have to reschedule her clinic appointments (appointments that morning had already been rescheduled due to a birth earlier that week) while an epidural would slow things down. She suggested I take a shower to help speed things up. Darcy came in the shower with me and we mumbled a bit about the epidural thing. I knew I'd be proud of myself if I could deliver drug free again, so I refreshed my resolve.

The second midwife, Leanne, arrived at 8 a.m., as seconds normally come when delivery is imminent. I asked Wendy to check my cervix around that time and I was between 6-7 cm.

Transition (five hours including a failed pushing stage)

I went through a very zen hour and a half of intense contractions, aided by slow breathing, sitting cross-legged and my TENS machine (it was the one thing I felt I had control over). Around 9:30 a.m. I was 8 cm dilated and starting to feel like pushing. Despite what the graph above states, for my previous two kids the pushing stage only lasted a few contractions. My waters hadn't yet broken so we agreed they could be broken manually to help speed up labour. I was encouraged to push during contractions and so I did, during contraction after contraction after contraction for an hour. Discouraging labour moment #3 was when Wendy said I was doing beautifully and she'd let me know when she could see the head. Whaaaat?! All of that pushing and you can't even see the head? She checked my cervix and I was still at 8 cm (discouraging labour moment #4) with some tissue all around. We stopped pushing. I was tired and had no zen left in me.

Wendy suggested I walk around as it would help me dilate faster. Well, I had been doing everything and anything to help me dilate for the past 25 hours and nothing had been helping, so I responded by lying down in bed. My protest didn't last long though because each contraction was making me loose my shit (not literally, thankfully). I listened to Wendy's next suggestion and stood up with my arms around Darcy, one foot up a stool, and dropping my weight down while swaying side to side during contractions. I started feeling really bad for my husband. He had been doing all the perfect labour partner things but I could sense he was frustrated at this point - not with me but with the midwives. Also, I'm generally always composed (even under extreme pain like labour) but I was a wreck: it suddenly became impossible not to vocalize pain or cry during contractions. We were heading back to the shower when the midwife did an internal check so painful I knew I was done being cooperative. I told her I was done hurting and needed to know my options for relief. To my surprise, she mentioned an epidural (I thought they could only be given before the transition stage).

There's a time lag between requesting an epidural and ceasing to feel pain. Before the anesthesiologist could be called, I needed to have an IV put in and emptied half the water bag. Wendy poked for the IV a first time and failed. She poked it another time and failed. Meanwhile the intense contractions continued to come and go. A nurse was called for attempt number three (discouraging labour moment #5 - it seemed it would take forever before I could actually start emptying that bag of water). The nurse was successful and the anesthesiologist came in soon afterwards. I told him he could skip the talk about the epidural since half an hour had already passed since I'd requested it and I was done with feeling. The magical needle of relief was poked into my spinal cord and the next three or four contractions decreased in pain to the point where I stopped feeling them after about 20 minutes.

I slept for the first time in over 30 hours. Wendy, Leah and Darcy also slept. Leanne took the lead in my care for the next few hours. She checked the baby's position and found Evelyn had moved from being head down on the left side (as she had been for the last six weeks in the womb) to head down on the right side ("posterior") - I found out later this was the reason for the slowness in progress of the labour. Discouraging labour moment #6 was when I threw up all over myself profusely from the feeling of heartburn while lying down. I had finally felt peaceful and then an embarrassing ten minutes of filing bowls full of puke. The last thing I'd eaten was half a banana at 4am - I have no clue what I was throwing up.

Subtly at first and then more intensely I started feeling contractions again (discouraging labour moment #7). It wasn't until Wendy returned to the room as primary midwife that she noticed I was breathing through them and told me about the button at my right that would give me more drugs. This one I'd brought upon myself since I'd told the anesthesiologist to skip the explanation.

Wendy felt the baby's position and it seemed she was moving back to the proper position. I took a quick nap and when I awoke and was checked again I was finally a full 10 cm dilated. During this nap there were moments when the heart monitor lost the baby's heartbeat and that the intercom would sound scary code alerts ("code pink," "code yellow") - those are the moments I look back on and think how lucky we are that everything worked out well. 

Pushing (the 20 most rewarding minutes of the whole thing)

I was directed to start pushing during the contractions I couldn't feel. I wanted the midwives to wake up Darcy but they said he was tired and assured me they'd wake him in plenty of time to see the birth. I was worried about the pushing stage with the epidural. In the past, I'd feel everything and feel the urge to push with contractions. Turns out it was much easier to push on command. The midwives were waiting until they could see the head to wake up Darcy but he woke up on his own (looking mighty bewildered) at about that time. I felt nothing but excitement to meet our daughter at this point. I was sitting up with my legs held back in a way that let me see her head come out and then the rest of her body. Evelyn gave one short cry, just enough to assure us she could, and then just lay on my chest with her eyes wide open, arms and legs moving around.

A Dad's-Eye-View of Evelyn's Birth

Labour technically started early on Wednesday June 19th - Evelyn’s due date. Angela messaged me at work in the afternoon to let me know that the contractions had been ongoing for a while, but not to worry too much as they were far apart, short, and with no steady pattern. We monitored the contractions using a web-app called contraction timer - which lets you just press a button whenever a contraction starts/stops and then keeps a running record of the length of the contractions and the time between them - a much simpler system than a clock and stopwatch! From the prenatal courses I knew we would be waiting for them to be 5 minutes apart, 1 minute long, and sustained for at least 1 hour (the legendary “5-1-1”) so when they were sporadic, 20 minutes apart and less than 20 seconds in duration I knew we had some time.

I got home from work around 5:30 and we had a fairly normal evening, we just kept running the contraction timer and waiting to get closer to the 5-1-1 mark. After dinner and a walk we watched some TV. It looked increasingly like the baby was on the way as the contractions moved closer together and got a little bit longer. Around 11pm we got a crash course on the “tens machine” we had borrowed - a small electric shock machine used to reduce the pain of contractions. We weren’t sure how well it would work, but it ended up being extremely helpful over the next 12 hours.

With the tens machine applied we cozied up on the couch and watched a Louis C.K comedy special. One of the surprises from the prenatal course was hearing about how much time you would kill between labour and delivery - and that watching a movie was something you could probably do together to pass time. It seemed laughable at the time, but there we were taking the advice to try and see if some laughs would help jiggle Evelyn down the birth canal.

By about 1:30am the contractions were coming steadily 2 minutes apart but lasting only 30-40 seconds. This was one point where my research and training failed - I was looking for the magical 5-1-1, and instead getting the less obvious 2-0.5-1; what did that mean? Was 2 out of 3 good enough? We decided to call the midwife and let her know, and she asked a few questions before driving over to our house. She arrived around 2am and did a few tests, informing us Angela was between 3 and 4 centimeters dilated (10 being the target for delivery), and indicating we were definitely having a baby in the next day, probably within 4-5 hours.

The next 3 hours were spent at home in the middle of the night just making it through the contractions and waiting for an increase in dilation. We walked outside a few times, and made use of other tricks from the prenatal course such as an exercise ball, rocking chair, and back massages. After what seemed like an eternity (it was now 4am and lack of sleep was fighting with the adrenaline and excitement), the midwife checked again and informed us Angela was now 4 centimeters... basically little or no progress after 3 hours. It was decided nonetheless that we would head to the hospital. I called my parents to let them know - as the midwife expected we would deliver by 8am, 9am at the latest.

We arrived at the hospital at 5am (I saw my parents pull in as we were entering the hospital) and went through another 2 hours of contractions as Angela progressed to 8 centimeters. The midwives all remarked on how well Angela was handling the pain, but eventually Angela told me she thought she was at her threshold and wanted to talk about getting an epidural. It wasn’t long until we brought it up with the midwife, who said that since Angela had delivered two kids naturally this one would be a snap, be over soon, and basically dismissed the idea of an epidural rather than providing us with pros/cons and asking us to choose. Instead she asked if we would like to break the water to speed things up, and we agreed to try that. Unfortunately the only effect it had seemed to be to increase the pain of the contractions. At this point I was getting upset with the midwives for what seemed to be chronically inaccurate and seemingly bad advice, and by the fact they were providing very little communication or encouragement to us. As Angela suffered through the contractions they would generally sit in silence or discuss scheduling issues for the week with one another. As my wife suffered through unimaginable pain I kind of expected a little more compassion and support (especially reassurance) from people who are supposed to be experts at this.

At 8cm with the water broken and many painful contractions passed, something happened that got the midwives moving as they put their rubber gloves on, adjusted the delivery bed, brought various tools out and assumed positions around Angela. I was certain that this must be the moment - a few more contractions and we’d see our baby. The contractions continued to get more intense, and she was now told to push with them. I was holding her and blinking back tears at the mix of fear and terror for my wife and the imminent euphoria of my daughter coming into the world.

It wasn’t long before the body language of the midwives showed that things weren’t that close. They said the cervix was still in the way, made some extremely painful attempts to manipulate it, and then put away the tools and took off their gloves and went back to passive mode. I went from that brink of euphoria to a horrible feeling of desolation. The contractions were becoming too much for Angela and the only solutions our support team offered were more pain: stand up, walk around, go in the shower, lift one leg up while standing... they even suggested delivering the baby in the toilet (what the fuck?).

Finally we demanded an epidural, which I think the midwives finally came to grips with how bad they were fucking this up for us. Angela had asked about it an hour ago, and was now in intense pain with a delivery that had stalled. We were not getting the easy breeze delivery we had been promised and were now well into overtime from that “definitely by 9am” prediction. They agreed to get the epidural underway with the anaesthesiologist right away, and I finally felt a sense of both progress and relief that we could do something productive for Angela instead of prescribing increasingly painful and consistently ineffective ideas.

This was the point where I had my first contact with the hospital staff at Montfort, and it was simply night and day compared to what had been happening with the midwives. They were professional, competent, polite, and constantly communicated what was happening and why. A nurse applied the IV (after the midwives stabbed Angela twice and failed both times) and the anesthesiologist came shortly thereafter to prepare the epidural itself. He began explaining the procedure and Angela waved him off and told him to just do it. I certainly didn’t disagree, but we missed the one piece of information that would have been helpful as a result - that she controlled the flow of medicine through a button. We didnt figure this out until she commented that the pain seemed to be coming back and getting worse - but it was a fairly easy fix once the button was pointed out.

About 20 or 30 minutes after getting the epidural setup Angela was able to relax and fall asleep. She had been awake for some 30 hours and in intense labour at the hospital for 6. Two of the three midwives went to nap while the other continued to monitor Angela and the baby. I took the time to visit my parents and sister who had been in the waiting room for hours, and to get some lunch. Around 1pm I was convinced to rest myself, and fell asleep almost instantly on the pull-out -chair in the delivery room.

I awoke to the sounds of “push!” “that’s it!” “we can see the head”, “you’re doing great”. I groggily sat up to see three midwives gathered around Angela who was clearly pushing the baby forward. They told me to come over and see the head. I then was told to take one of her knees and hold it to brace while she pushed again. This entire part of the delivery was incredibly surreal. The last time I thought we were delivering I was focused completely on Angela and how hard she was trying and how much pain she was in - with the epidural she seemed at ease, and I was more focused on seeing the progress of the baby. I was also exhausted and barely awake, and obviously surprised that I had not been woken up to be with my wife the moment they resumed trying to delivery my daughter.

It was maybe 10 minutes after waking up that the baby’s head emerged face down, followed shortly by the rest of her body (we quickly confirmed it was a girl - no need to re-do the nursery!). She was far quieter than I expected, letting out just a small cry to let us know she could. One of the midwives handed me the scissors to cut the umbillical cord - which I held onto awkwardly for several minutes as I wanted nothing sharp anywhere near my daughter, and they had not yet prepared the cord for me to cut. Once they clamped the umbellical cord on each end I cut through it to complete Evelyn’s transition from the womb to the world. It was surprising that it actually took several cuts to sever, as I kind of figured it would be one cut to slice through the entire thing.

As she was placed on Angela’s stomach for skin to skin contact I literally lost my breath for a few seconds as I just looked at her. I had never had any idea what she might look like when she was born, but her eyes were open and she was looking around quietly. She did not look traumatized in the slightest or even surprised, if anything she seemed curious and thoughtful as she looked at her new surroundings and these people who hopefully sounded a little familiar. As anyone would expect the terror of the previous 3 hours quickly faded under the glow of our child; this little person with a life now stretching out before her.

And so it was that our daughter Evelyn River Hartwick was born - at 2:23pm on June 20th, weighing in at 9lbs 3 oz and 54 cm long.

Tour of the Nursery That Awaits Baby

Liana and Caleb's nurseries were comprised of a hodgepodge of hand-me-down furniture and had no uniform look to them (their bedrooms now however are pretty awesome looking!). Having given all of their old baby furniture away long ago and being in a better financial situation now, I've been psyched about developing the look of this nursery.

The walls of the "sacred fourth bedroom" as we called it for the two years in which it was bare, were already painted light green which worked with the girl ideas I had, but would have had to have been repainted if baby were a boy (I used this as consolation for Darcy when we found out the baby's gender). We lucked out and were gifted a brand new crib and change table from Darcy's brother and his wife, who had accidentally received two of each when they ordered the same set for their daughter. So two things were decided for convenience: light green walls and espresso brown furniture.

Darcy and my dad assembling the crib.

We decided on a brown/pink/green colour scheme so that it's girlie without being too girlie and not repetitive of the looks of the other bedrooms. The first purchase we made for the baby was the Simone bedding set from Pottery Barn Kids (minus the bumper pad as Health Canada advises against their use). Though I love Disney movies as much as the next girl I'm not a fan of trademark character sets for nurseries (I'd totally get this Sailor Moon toddler room set when she's a little older though!) so for a theme I thought of classic stories. This idea led me to paint the following four paintings.

Little Red Riding Hood is my least favourite of the four (maybe I'll redo it someday).
Acrylics are the safest paints to use while pregnant but they DON'T BLEND!

Here's Goldilocks with three bears that look slightly like raccoons.

The Three Little Pigs I'm actually kinda proud of.

I was torn on which story to choose for painting #4. Alice in Wonderland seemed the most
popular idea so I went with it. I like the background on this one.

Here are some other photos of the room and its details:

This is the biggest splash of pink frill in the nursery! Underneath though
is a pull down blind that makes the room very dark.

The bedding set I referred to earlier.

Crystal owl lamp (doubles as a nightlight and regular lamp). Nicely ties together the pink curtains and the storybook theme. It's also my favourite thing in the nursery (until the baby arrives, that is).

This rocking chair is one of the few remnants of Caleb's nursery but it was pine.
My dad painted it to match the espresso colour.

Change table.

Closet contents incl a lot of teeny dresses and shoes

Sound machine and humidifier

So the paintings will be hung as a box shape over the crib. Also, lucked out with these two dressers from Ikea because I was hoping to find two narrow ones in order to have the crib centered and the colour match is great.

Woodland animals hook behind door (okay, more owls, but it's so easy to find owl baby items now!)

Ludo friend.

All that's missing now is a baby. Today is her due date so it should be too much longer before we start spending much more time in the bedroom.

Cloth Diapers (ftw!)

There are certain choices when expecting a baby that you might not have considered until you're about to have one (e.g. formula vs breastfeeding). Despite the fact that most of us in Darcy and my generation were diapered in cloth, not everyone considers cloth a viable option nowadays. You don't see commercials/ads for cloth diapers but everyone knows what Pampers are.

I considered cloth for Liana but was deterred by both my mother's negative reaction and the fact that I lived in an apartment at the time with no laundry machine of my own. For Caleb I was mostly a cloth diaper user, as I hired a service for the first year and afterwards did a mix of prefolds with covers (for home) and biodegradable disposables (for away from home). This time we're set on 100% cloth - well, after the occurrence of the first meconium nightmare diapers because that stuff stains - and here are the main reasons why.

#1: Environmental footprint
This is the top reason for me. I don't particularly consider myself an environmentalist because, I dunno, I'm just not an extreme person even when it comes to things I believe in, but I do what I can. The idea of bringing another human being onto this overpopulated planet though (for a third time in my case) to contribute to the 3.4 million tons of landfill caused by disposable diapers per year, more than four million disposables per day discarded in Canada alone, and that take an estimated 500 years to decompose I find deeply disturbing. There's a sense of responsibility and even guilt I feel at having children which I need to mediate somehow and cloth diapering is one of the ways in which I do so (recycling, not buying them too much unnecessary stuff, feeding them less meat and animal products, and trying to raise them to become ethical human beings are other examples).

Some interesting facts from CBC's The Diaper Debate: Disposable diapers generate 60 times more solid waste than cloth diapers and takes 100,000 times longer to biodegrade in a landfill. The raw materials required to keep one baby in disposable diapers for one year include more than 136 kilograms of wood, 23 kg of petroleum and nine kg of chlorine. Manufacturing consumes 2.3 times more water than the manufacturing, using and washing of cloth diapers.

Disposable diaper users are supposed to flush feces before disposing of diapers which rarely anyone does, so they enter landfills untreated, risking water contamination. All of these environmental problem for a product that only has an active use for, like, two hours. Hence why it's worth an extra load of laundry every three days to rectify.

#2: Saving money
I would want to cloth diaper even if the cost were higher than disposables, for the reasons listed above, so what a bonus that it's significantly cheaper. The estimated savings of using cloth over disposables is $2,000-$4,500, depending on the company you go with, when your child potty trains, and whether you're factoring in disposable wipes and trash bags. These savings take into account the cost of washing diapers (online calculators factor that in). If you start using cloth from scratch, $580 will get you a very generous starter package but $120 will get you a discount version. This start up can get you through several children and the resell value of cloth diapers is high so most of that cost can be reimbursed in the end, further lowering cost. I received a few all-in-one diapers as gifts and borrowed about 70 mixed types that are in great condition from a friend, so the cost-savings on our decision to use cloth diapers (and wipes) is quite high.

#3: Safety concerns
Diaper companies are self-regulating, meaning unlike hygiene products diapers are not obligated by law to disclose their component parts (red flag!). Often petrolatum is the only listed ingredient when there are also obviously plastics, adhesives, glues, elastics, chemicals and lubricants. Pampers have apparently stopped using dioxin, the most toxic of cancer-related chemicals, linked to cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage but this doesn't mean others don't still use it. Most disposable diaper companies boast their product's super-absorbency because of sodium polyacrylate use, which is linked to athsma, toxic shock and is dangerous to household pets. I guarantee you if Dex found an diaper he would eat it (he may be cute and fluffy but he's also kinda gross). Then there's the perfumes, dyes and bleaches used in disposables that get absorbed by babies' skin and Tributyl-tin (TBT), a toxic pollutant known to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals. At the very least this usually means more diaper rashes on babies but I'm just not comfortable not knowing exactly what it is I'm putting into contact with my kid's skin 24 hours a day for two or so years.

#4: Earlier potty training
A condition to less diaper rashes that some would consider a con is that cloth diapers should be changed more often than disposables. This is because when a baby wets its diaper in cloth they feel wet whereas in disposables (due to sodium polyacrlate gel) they continue feel dry. The benefit to this wet feeling though is the earlier understanding of bodily functions that fastens the potty training period. Cloth diapered toddlers potty train an average of three months sooner.

#5: Cuteness factor
The patterns, soft feel and bulky fit of cloth diapers are undeniably adorable. Cloth diapers have come a long way since our parents' time (no more safety pins!). Behold: photos.

Some mostly all-in-ones and pocket diapers ready for use.

Prefolds and covers ready for use.

Extras in a mish-mash of styles.

Retro styles!

Hello Kitty!

Anime!

My favourites!

Even the diaper pails are cuter than their disposable counterparts.

If you're reading this thinking "won't you have to deal with more mess"...I don't see it. While babies are being exclusively breastfed (which Health Canada recommends be for the first six months and then continued as supplementary nutrition until age two) baby poop is liquid like urine and dissolves in the washing machine so the process is simply (1) remove diaper, (2) throw diaper in sealed pail, (3) wash as needed. If you're out with baby simply close soiled diapers and place in a wet/dry bag (some people use these as lunch or gym bags as well as they contain odors and leaks). When you are ready to do laundry, you empty contents of wet/dry bags and pail bags into the washing machine and then add the bags themselves (everything is washable). When babies begin solid food and start getting correspondingly more solid poop, you just dump whatever comes out in the toilet and flush, then throw the diaper in the diaper pail. And just to reiterate: the World Health Organization calls for all fecal matter (and urine) to be flushed so it can go through the sewer system and be treated (see here, here, here, here to see that disposable diapers are not an exception to this protocol).

If you're reading this thinking "but disposables are more convenient"...you're right. Just like reusable anything it's easier to toss something after use than to clean it. However, there's something to be said about never running out of diapers and needing to run to the pharmacy to pick some up. And it really isn't that more work. An extra load of laundry every three days. My hope is that more and more people at least consider the cloth vs disposables debate as a choice to make when expecting.

Third Trimester Recap

I’m in the third trimester as I write this (hopefully for only a few more days!) but so far it’s been the most energetic time of the pregnancy.

It was surprising fun to plan out the look for the nursery (there will be a separate post on the nursery) and start the baby registry. A universal website called babyli.st.com was recommended to me when I was having trouble deciding at what store to create a registry and it was exactly what I was looking for. I got to pick my favourite baby items (usually from reading online reviews for “best baby monitor” or “best sound machine” etc) from a mish mash of local posh baby stores (FabBaby Gear, Milkface, Three Little Monkeys) and online shops (Think Geek, Etsy, Amazon). The site is user-friendly, too. I did also create a Toys R Us registry for the not-internet-savvy.

Physically the downsides in the third semester were the most severe heartburn of my life, achy loose ligaments, shortness of breath and discomfort sleeping. When people comment that I must be looking forward to no longer being pregnant though I think of how it’ll get worse before it gets better - labour, engorged breasts and post-birth recovery are no joke! - and that usually brings me patience to try to enjoy this time.

Picture of me at 7.5 months pregnant with my friend Linda walking 5K for a CHEO fundraiser. It was after this I slowed things down physically as I was sore and experienced some contractions for a few days afterwards.

This pregnancy I was lucky enough to have more than one baby shower. In April my friends Angela and Julie hosted a shower at my house for Ottawa friends and family. The theme was literally “baby shower” as illustrated from the many crafty decorations prepared. Games included guessing the baby food, guessing the chocolate in the diaper, and me trying to give the same answer Darcy gave to baby questions. Two out of town friends - Kim from Kingston and Kristy from Stratford - attended which was an awesome surprise. Here are some pictures of the Ottawa shower.

At the end of May my mother-in-law Debby and sister-in-law Casey hosted a shower in Mountain Grove, at the Olden Community Centre. I drove down with Darcy, who visited with his dad during the shower, and with my mom, who doesn’t like to drive out of town. The hall was elegantly decorated as anyone who knows Debby would expect (she missed her calling as a professional party planner). Games we played included trivia, a race multitasking holding a baby, a phone and hanging up laundry, a gender prediction game, and the game where you guess the size of the tummy. My sister-in-law Tina and niece Grace visited from Timmins and it was great to see them there (Grace was the baby shower princess). Here are some of my favourite pictures of the Mountain Grove shower.

There was also a work shower for both Darcy and I. No pictures but it was a potluck and games played were The Price is Right and Name the baby animal. Speaking of work, I ended up starting leave 2.5 weeks before my due date and in my last few weeks I was surprised to find myself having nightmares about being a student looking for a summer job, or forgetting to show up to a summer job. Apparently my subconscious didn’t get the message about how I’ll still be receiving an almost-equal income despite not going to work for the next year and a bit.

Baby’s due in two days. My plan until then is to kick back, relax, finish reading The Imposter Bride, and prepare a few freezer meals.

Second Trimester Recap

In the dull of winter the second trimester went by slooooow.

It was an excessively icy winter so falling on ice was my newfound fear. To heighten this fear, a pregnant friend of a friend fell on ice and the impact ruptured her placenta and a pregnant friend of mine ended up at emerge after an ice fall and luckily there was no damage. I wore these “no slip” pads over my boots every day with great paranoia and success...but then one day stepping off the bus I still slipped and fell anyway. I called the midwife who reassured me falling on my bum was unlikely to have injured the baby. After an uneventful few days following the incident I started to relax again.

Prenatal aquafit was my saving grace for not becoming completely sedentary in the dull of winter. It was Wednesday evenings at Bob MacQuarrie for 45 minutes and it also provided some good social time with other local moms-to-be.

The second ultrasound was more exciting than the first due to discovering the baby’s gender. Liana and I were rooting for a girl, while Darcy and Caleb prefered a boy (“girls are too messy” said my freakishly tidy little man). I had no gut feeling either way, just like the last two, but Darcy thought it would be a boy. The technician was either a little weird or having some fun at our expense. She asked what gender the kids were hoping for, said “he” at one point, and “beautiful” at another (I was searching for clues!). Eventually she said “your daughter’s going to be very happy.” The ultrasound pictures we got looked even more abstract than those at 12 weeks. I can’t relate to how excited people get over these photos, other than the piece of mind that comes from knowing your baby is progressing well.

Another piece of news that came out of the ultrasound was that I had an alterior placenta, which until that point I had never heard of. Placentas normally form at the back of the uterine wall but sometimes, as this case, they form at the front. When formed at the front the placenta creates a cushion between the baby and the outside of my tummy, which prevented me from feeling any movement. It was a relief to see the baby moving around in the ultrasound, even though I couldn’t feel it, and it was a relief to start feeling regular baby movements a few weeks later. Until feeling the baby move, I felt sick and fat rather than pregnant.

I felt just as faint, nauseous and tired the second semester as I did the first. My general dislike of how it feels to be pregnant prompted my mother-in-law to gift me this funny book called “Pregnancy Sucks: When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable.” It was funny in a schadenfreude way (“happiness at the expense of others”). The author suffered through way, way worse that I was. Bizarro stuff happened to her body - I didn’t even know a woman could temporarily (or otherwise) grow a third nipple. Needless to say I felt pretty lucky after reading her experiences.

Darcy and I took a two day labour and delivery course through the Childbirth Association Centre. It was informative (despite the mediocre instructor) and covered stages of labour through to post-birth recovery and some newborn care. Some exercises separated dads and moms into groups to discuss expectations and concerns and bring them back to the group anonymously. For the most part, it seemed the women in labour and post-labour wanted the men to do anything and everything they needed and the men wanted the women to tell them what to do. My favourite part of the course was when both men and women were listing things dads could do for mom after the baby’s born (run errands, clean house, make meals, bring baby to mom, host guests, etc) and Darcy whispered in my ear something like “I plan to help but I’m kind of hoping to spend time with the baby once she’s born” - valid point!

 

Photo of Darcy and I in which I'm soberly enjoying my 30th birthday party while four months pregnant.